Hillary Clinton would look tres chic in an orange pantsuit.
Last week, I wrote Donald Trump needed a miracle to beat the cagey Ms. Clinton — and the FBI promptly obliged.
On Sunday, an ABC/Washington Post poll, among the first since feds reopened the Clinton e-mail scandal, shows Clinton and Trump in a dead heat with nine days to go, 46% to 45%.
Fully one-third of those polled say they are less likely to vote for Clinton because of the FBI probe.
That squealing you hear is the effete elites scrambling for the fire extinguishers. Liberal CNN trotted them out Sunday to wail and gnash at the awful unfairness of the past few days.
At one point, the network convened a panel on media bias — consisting entirely of Clinton campaigners. Good grief. (In fairness, anchors Jake Tapper and Wolf Blitzer usually go after both candidates with equanimity.)
But back to that orange pantsuit.
Does Hillary remind you of anybody? Other than your hectoring, busybody aunt, I mean.
Exactly. Martha Stewart.
The homemaker queen was jailed five months for shenanigans, obstructing justice and misleading the FBI. Ring a bell?
Martha’s shenanigans were about stocks, Hillary’s involve state secrets, but otherwise, if I were Clinton, I’d practise mopping floors and lining up for showers.
Orange pantsuit? She already has one in her closet. She has trotted it out before, including, believe it or not, at a 2015 press conference about her e-mails.
As every delinquent schoolboy knows, inmates wear orange suits to thwart escape.
If you spot an orange pantsuit strolling down the street, lock your doors and call police. Even if it’s not Hillary.
Luckily, Bill Clinton’s better half looks pretty good in orange.
Hillary wore a silky orange pantsuit at the 2008 Democratic National Convention. It looks far more glamorous than last year’s press conference number. Perhaps Hill can wear it to the prison Christmas gala.
The FBI’s new cache of e-mails involve fallen congressman/perv Anthony Weiner and his estranged wife Huma Abedin, who happens to be Hillary’s longtime confidante and campaign vice-chair.
Feds are not saying how Clinton is connected, but it can’t be good. Trickles of evidence quickly turn into a flood. You could ask Richard Nixon if he were alive.
If Hillary does follow Martha Stewart’s footsteps, she will have plenty of time to stare out through the bars and muse on what the hell happened
In a way, I feel sorry for her, like I felt sorry for Bonnie Parker. Bill and Hill may be the most corrupt couple since Bonnie and Clyde — but her timing sucks.
The White House is practically in Hillary’s clutches, so close she can taste it, the polls say she’s a shoo-in — when suddenly she is swept away like a pantsuited Marie Antoinette in a worldwide rebellion against the effete elite.
The British Brexit vote was part of that wave. So is the surge of Iceland’s anti-establishment and anti-corruption Pirate Party. And so is the rise of Trump, a billionaire boor railing against the media and other Washington elites.
The rebels’ motto, with middle finger raised, is: Effete THIS, elites! We’re tired of you entitled yobs telling us how to live our lives.
But it ain’t over ’til the pants lady sings. Millions of Americans have already voted at advance polls — before the FBI bombshell — and they could swing a close election. Plus, anything could happen in this wacky campaign’s last week before the election.
Plenty of time to run down to Hillary’s fave, Ralph Lauren. I hear there’s two-for-one on orange pantsuits.